Cam Jordan’s Grateful Dead-Michael Jackson Homage

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Week 11 of the NFL season meant a lot of things. For starters, the good news is we only have one BYE Week remaining on the season and that doesn’t happen until Week 13, so next Sunday we go full tilt, which hasn’t happened in eight weeks. It also means HOLY SHIT this season is suddenly flying by after what initially felt like a week to week sloth walk conducted in quicksand. It also means players are quite literally falling apart. Rapidly.

This is a ridiculous list, especially when you tack on every big name from the Niners and the fact that Drew Brees has 11 — yes, ELEVEN — rib fractures. Eight on the left side, three on the right. Of the few positive things worth noting, programmed assassin Christian McCaffrey will finally be returning next week.

MISSING IN ACTION: Absent from the Week 11 slate were the badly broken 49ers — a team that could really use a BYE every other week for the rest of the season — and the Giants, Bears, and Bills. So that meant both Daniel Jones and Josh Allen, two key components of #TeamElectricFactory, would not be gracing us with their scintillating showmanship.

The most important thing Eli Manning has effortlessly passed down to Daniel Jones is forcing young DannyBoy to immediately master his patented thousand-yard stare. Uncanny impersonation. We really don’t talk about this enough, but the Giants going from Eli to “Eli: Act II” has been a hilarious blessing.

Stefon Diggs was probably the only player anyone would actually be missing this week unless you take into account the loss of Dawson Knox’s perm. Great jacket, even better electrocuted hair.

Anyway, you know the gist of the riddle at this point: Whether it was fire, fierce, funny or fail, it’s about time we hop in the clown car and get this weekly party started with the caveman-like spirit of Andrew Luck.

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NOTE: An incredibly special NFL anniversary miraculously ended up landing on NFL Sunday and I am beyond honored to have honored it. Yes, chills are still very much present.

Russell Wilson

This is the first time in ages that Russell Wilson has worn a suit where it doesn’t look like he’s a lead blocker for Russell Wilson who is about to spontaneously combust. It actually fits! Congrats to all involved.

Cam Jordan

Cam Jordan wore a jean jacket featuring the Grateful Dead dancing bears, a t-shirt of Michael Jackson wearing a tuxedo, and an enormous brass knuckles-style ring that says “HATE” because of course he did. All of this while apparently FaceTiming with a member of his family who had to be laughing the entire time.

Patrick Mahomes

Patrick Mahomes just so effortlessly exudes an entire mood that says “this shit’s about to look real easy.” And it did. Again. The ever-present confidence is both absurd and well-warranted.

Jacob Martin!

If you go to any of the IG pages where this photo is featured — here, here and here — you’ll see a slew of Lil Nas X comments (which are more than fair) along with a shitload of confusion, and I can definitely understand why. A cowboy hat, a sleeveless sweatshirt with a short-sleeve button-down underneath, JORTS, and red cowboy boots? Whew boy.

Cam Newton

The second I saw this latest fit from Cam Newton, who somehow seems to be raising his own bar each week, I instantly got major “Clark Griswold in Germany” vibes. I’m guessing this is most certainly not what Cam was going for, yet here we are.

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There’s also this, which is amazing. Once again, Cam Newton, the gift that never stops giving.

Aaron Rodgers

Did Aaron Rodgers wear a winter hat and a bandana mask-scarf again? Why yes, yes he did. And did Aaron Rodgers and the Packers lose this week? Well, as has become tradition, the king of wearing the game’s result right on his face does all the driving here.

Travis Kelce

Travis Kelce is one of the few individuals who can roll up in a sharp-looking suit or one of Ric Flair’s finest robes and it makes no difference. Always seems to work.

Hollywood Brown

Hollywood Brown wearing his signature Hollywood Brown chain, one of his many Hollywood Brown t-shirts and a Hollywood Brown mask. It’s a lofty task to love Hollywood Brown as much as Hollywood Brown loves Hollywood Brown.

Marquez Valdes-Scantling

An exceptional Zorro-like feel up top coupled with some poorly chosen capri pants on the bottom. Not exactly an ideal combination. So much potential though.

Ben Roethlisberger

Big Ben bringin’ the heeeeeat. Now if only he would just move his hair to make it a little more even — essentially straight across his forehead — poof, the Steelers have themselves their very own Lloyd Christmas.

Jamal Adams

A gigantic pair of overalls and an absurd pair of fluorescent shoes that look like Crocs made love to a pair of clogs? Absolutely not. NEXT.

DeAndre Hopkins

DeAndre Hopkins is on another planet just like Cam Newton, with the stark difference being that he never inspires thoughts of shit like Clark Griswold or the “Price Is Right” climber.

Dre Kirkpatrick

This is what we call “The DeAndre Hopkins Effect” and the hope is that this trend continues to spread throughout the Cardinals entire roster.

Justin Herbert

Justin Herbert seen here sporting the exact expression of someone who has deep regrets about taking a chance on a new barber or perhaps — out of the goodness of their heart — allowed a friend to cut their hair and now seeks great vengeance. The Chargers did win on Sunday, but only because they played the Jets. #Pray4Justin

Baker Mayfield

Baker borrowed one of Odell Beckham’s jackets and I know this because the sleeves told me so. On a positive note, not since Hollywood Hogan has the world witnessed such an astoundingly pristine spray painted beard.

Zeke Elliott

Zeke with the rare jacket/shirt, sneakers and luggage match. Although he could’ve done anything and still would have gotten a standing ovation for those highly sought after Nike SB Dunks.

Kirk Cousins

For the first time in what feels like forever, I have nothing negative to say about Kirk Cousins in any capacity. Frankly, he looks as shocked as I was while typing that.

Matt Ryan

Continuing with the unforeseen upsets, Matty Ice was actually looking pretty stylish! Naturally, the Falcons got trounced by the Saints, 24-9.

Phillip Lindsay

Phillip Lindsay still out there delivering those 70s vibes. This week the natural-born showman went with a smooth gray leather jacket which, for whatever reason, we just don’t see enough of.

Jamaal Williams

Another week, another confirmation that Jamaal Williams is wonderfully insane. But please make no mistake about it, everyone loves him for it.

Mecole Hardman

Mecole Hardman got a wealth of praise in the IG comments for his “Dragon Ball” chain that a few people said was Super Saiyan? This doesn’t happen to be an area of personal expertise, so whatever works.

Logan Wilson!?!

A wild Daniel Bryan chant of “YES! YES! YES” just broke out inside my head.

T.J. Watt

T.J. Watt showing J.J. Watt that it is possible to expand a wardrobe beyond boring hats and hoodies.

Joe Burrow

Joe Burrow sadly went down with a horrific injury that abruptly ended an awesome rookie season despite such a problematic roster. However, beforehand he defiantly strolled into D.C. wearing a suit with no tie and a SpongeBob pocket square. And no, Jared, when one elects not to wear a tie, an exposed undershirt is the worst look ever. Go to bed.

Kyler Murray

Kyler Murray in a Gucci “Mickey Mouse” hoodie is the perfect kind of collaboration that needs to become an official thing if it hasn’t already.

Joe Flacco!

Seeing Flacco’s quote of “one of these days we’ll look up at the scoreboard and we’ll have a victory after four quarters” and reading it in his voice is accidentally hilarious and equally depressing. It just sounds so bleak and pairs up beautifully with the lifeless freeze-frame of Zombie Joe.

Deshaun Watson

Love the shirt, however of far more significance is that Deshaun Watson was spotted smiling! The Texans have now vaulted to a stunning 3-7, which would make for a four-way tie for 2nd place in the NFC East! #StriveForGreatness

CeeDee Lamb

CeeDee Lamb is this year’s Hollywood Brown, who coincidentally also went to Oklahoma. It took this dude approximately three seconds to adjust to the NFL and strut around like he’s been doin’ this shit for years.

Marlon Humphrey

This is the best we could do of Marlon Humphrey — although he’s the 2nd photo within this IG gallery — but no, I simply cannot explain the Thelma & Louise phenomenon that’s been sweeping through the NFL lately. Did you see JuJu a couple of weeks ago? Well just in case you didn’t… yeeeah, your guess is as good as mine.

Tytus Howard

“Shoe size 15 but I’m still gone step HARDER.” That’s one helluva caption to go with one helluva “about to wreck some shit” look. LOVE IT.

Jake Luton

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This is obviously not Jags QB Jake Luton but it might as well be. Throwing for 151 yards and 4 picks will get you this type of treatment every single time. Can’t wait for next week!

Robby Anderson

A very unsure, hesitant looking Robby Anderson opted for the “shades of pink” theme but all I can think about — yet again — is how this guy plays wide receiver in the NFL and hasn’t been broken into a billion pieces by a free safety. He’s about a buck-twenty soaking wet.

Jarvis Landry

Jarvis Landry doesn’t do stadium walk-ins, that’s some plebian shit. Jarvis Landry does photoshoots in leather pants while sitting in his favorite new whip.

J.J. Watt

OK, as rare as it is, you win this round, J.J. The “Dunder Mifflin” mug was a mighty fine choice.

James Conner

James Conner making his first appearance of the year in this space and inspiring an immediate “oh what are thooose?” reactions upon seeing his kickass kicks.

Kenny Stills

Kenny Stills was out with an injury for Week 11 but you’d never know it. Always puts out the full effort like a guy who’s been an NFL All-Pro WR for a decade.

Frank Clark

The socks, Frank, the socks! Noooooooooo. A tragic choice for an otherwise message-sending fit.

Za’Darius Smith

Za’Darius Smith with a Louis Vuitton mask to match the Louis Vuitton jacket to match the Louis Vuitton shoes because the ALL BRAND EVERYTHING look is just something he insists on doing.

Orlando Brown Jr.

Orlando Brown Jr. making it official that UGG SZN is here. God help us all.

Chris Jones

Chris Joines said fuck UGG SZN and instead exhibited more #BigManTailoring at its finest. Ridiculous that a dude who stands 6’6″ and weighs 300-plus pounds can look smoother in suits than a guy like Russell Wilson does.

Deebo Samuel

Deebo! We miss ya’, buddy. That throwback Grizzlies jersey is an easy 14/10.

Cooper Kupp

Things appear to be going rather poorly for Cooper Kupp. Very sad to see.

Oday Aboushi

In two words: ALL. BUSINESS.

Justin Tucker

Rarely use this word but it needs to be said so I’m just gonna say it: Justin Tucker is a Hall of Fame kicker who also happens to be an absolute DORK.

Bill Belichick

Many experts are predicting that one of these days Bill Belichick’s ever-expanding neck gaiter will seize control of his entire face. In all seriousness, I’m pretty sure The Bill will be keeping this look forever, regardless of societal circumstances.



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